the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
