He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
