what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
