And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
