just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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