a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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