I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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