I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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