HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
