This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
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