I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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