yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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