he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
