God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
