I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
