you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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