ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
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