so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
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