carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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