he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
