I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
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I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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