I cannot find my penis.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
