totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Randomize
