If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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