do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
