Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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