I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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