one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
