i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
