I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
