they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
