The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
