Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
now i know why i became what i already was.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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