i would punch a child for taco bell
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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