we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
