I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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