Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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