Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
