I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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