i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Randomize
