told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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