at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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