I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Randomize
