I love black thongs
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
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