All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
handjob tips. give me some.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Randomize
