he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
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Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
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Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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