I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
