He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
We need a shit load of segways right now
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Randomize
