I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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