Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
