I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
