ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
