I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
