if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
how do flat chested girls get laid?
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
