youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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