I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
