I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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