I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
