Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
ugly people sure do ruin things
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize