member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
it glows. i had to have it.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
NoShamevember. You game?
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
and you fell through a lawn chair
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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