i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
