so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
