Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
