I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
