Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
