Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
