Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
