i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Sext me about skeletons
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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